What To Say In A Message On A Dating Site
Exactly What To Say In A First Message. How to Write the Perfect First Message on an Online Dating Site. Need help getting your online dating started? The Consumer-Rankings.com blog has great dating advice for online dating newcomers.
Prepping to send your first message on dating app to that cute someone who’s caught your eye?
I know how it is – it’s exciting and scary. You’re eager to catch their eye and get the conversation started, but you’re afraid that what you write won’t be compelling enough.
Your heart beating wildly, all kinds of thoughts race through your mind: What if I screw this up? What if I write something so lame that they don’t reply? Dammit.
Well, let’s flip that: What if you write something so gosh darn awesome they can’t help but reply?
But we get it. Crafting that first online dating message is daunting. Because that opening message is so crucial to getting a reply, it has to be done right.
Depending on dating apps and dating sites you're using and what your bio mentions, the openers can vary. So, we have shared plenty of examples that you can simply copy and paste.
12 Online Dating Openers For First Message
First Message Strategy #1: Introduce Yourself
There’s a LOT to be said for introducing yourself in your first message, and yet so many people don’t do it.
Why not? Well, perhaps they just forget.
But here’s the thing: Introducing yourself is basic online dating etiquette and it’s exactly what you’d do in most other real-life social scenarios.
Just picture yourself at a networking event, for example. What’s the first thing you might say to someone you’ve met that night? Maybe you’ll open with a wry observation of something that happened that night, but the most likely option you’ll take is to introduce yourself.
First Message Examples to introduce yourself
“Hey! I’m Chloe :)”
It’s that simple and it’s safe and risk-free.
First Message Strategy #2: Introduce Yourself With a Twist
If a simple hello seems too safe and risk-free, you can be a little bit more adventurous should you wish.
I often like to open with a quick joke before transitioning to my introduction.
First Message Examples:
“Is it just me or *insert witty observation here* …
“Ha. Hi! I’m Will.”
Starting with a joke is a little bit more exciting and it helps to build rapport before going in with the introduction line.
If cracking a joke isn’t your forte (at least online) then you can try something a bit different. Like this:
“Hola! I’m sad to say that’s the only Spanish I know :(.”
“Ha. Hey, I’m Julia. How’s it going?”
Whatever you decide to open with, following it with your intro is always a smart idea because it encourages them to do the same. All of a sudden, you’ve both introduced yourselves and a small connection has been made.
Moreover, introducing yourself shows you’ve got basic manners. It looks so much better than leading with something like this: “What’s up?”
First Message Strategy #3: Use Their Name
Addressing them by their name in your first message shows that you’ve taken the care to actually read their online dating profile properly, and it shows that this is definitely not a generic message. Even though it’s such a small thing, it can help to build rapport and a feeling of warmth straight away.
Examples:
“Hey Mike!”
Then, you can work on introducing yourself. Like this:
“Hey Mike! I’m Lydia.”
First Message Strategy #4: Tell Them It’s Nice To Meet Them
Sometimes, you have to be a bit clever with how you write your message so that you get a response.
For example, you could plant a seed in their subconscious mind that’s designed to encourage them to respond.
First Message Examples:
“Hey Mike! I’m Lydia. Nice to meet you.”
By using that simple phrase – it’s nice to meet you – you’re assuming they’re going to reply. This assumption can be very powerful on a subconscious level as it’s saying to them that, yeah, it’s really nice to meet you, too.
First Message Strategy #5: Pick Up On Something On Their Profile
When you pick up on something that’s unique to their profile, you’re demonstrating that you’ve taken the time to read their profile properly and that you’re not just using the same copy-and-paste message you use on other people.
This is, of course, impossible to do if they haven’t written anything in their bio and have pretty boring pics. If that’s the case, well, my question is this: Why would you message them at all?
If I’m stuck for something to say in my opener to someone, I take a look at their bio and pick something out to comment on.
Admittedly, this kind of thing can require some mental gymnastics. For example, if they’ve written something like “Netflix, wine, and cheese,” you don’t have a lot to go off. But there’s something there at least and you just need to use your imagination.
First Message Examples:
“Hey, I noticed you like Netflix too. Pleaseeeee tell me you were as sad as I was that Stranger Things ended!!”
“If haloumi isn’t in your top 3 cheeses we can’t be friends.”
What Should You Message Someone On A Dating Site
First Message Strategy #6: Kick Start a Conversation With a Question
One of the easiest ways to get a response from someone is to ask a question.
That said, your question has to be at least one of these things:
- Compelling
- Unusual
- Interesting
- Fun
- Funny
First Message Examples:
“How was your weekend?” could get you a response. But it’s pretty lame and even if you did get a response, where is the conversation going to go? What you want to do is ask a question that will almost guarantee an interesting response that will kick start a convo.
There are a variety of interesting and fun open ended questions that you can ask, and we haven’t got the time to go into them here. But I always feel it’s a good idea to go with one that creates room for a bit of role-play.
Like this:
“We’re the last two people on earth. There’s a knock at our door! What do we do?!”
“What your favorite movie that you can never stop watching?”
“What's your favorite band and why?”
“What you love to do in your spare time? ”
“What's your favorite restaurant?”
This will engage them, it will get them thinking and it will elicit a fun response that allows room for you both to create a mini-story.
First Message Strategy #7: Keep It Short and Sweet
It’s pretty wrenching when you craft a super long message that you’re really proud of and you know is interesting … but they don’t reply.
What gives?
It hurts more when people don’t reply to long messages, mainly because it’s taken you so much time and effort for zero rewards.
However, you should put yourself in the shoes of the other person. Imagine you’re in a bar and a cute someone walks up to you. During their ‘introduction,’ they talk for 10 minutes without letting you get a word in.
Wow. It’s just too much.
And it’s more or less the same with online dating. It’s best to keep it short (but not too short – 100 characters is a good rule of thumb) and sweet. Introduce yourself, pick up on something on their profile and maybe ask a question, too. But don’t overwhelm them.
First Message Strategy #8: Focus On Common Interests
Make sure you don’t fall into No-Man’s Land by mentioning things you don’t have in common.
So many guys and girls forget to establish a common ground. On dating sites and dating apps, profiles have a lot to information that can help you establish a common ground so make sure you look at other person's profile.
First Message Examples:
“Hey, wow, that’s so cool you went skydiving. I’ve never done it! What’s it like?”
While this might get them talking about themselves, it’s not really good for creating that initial spark that’s so important.
This is why it’s a MUCH smarter idea to – for now at least – bring up things you have in common, and which you can have an early laugh about.
First Message Strategy #9: Barely Talk About Yourself
Your opener should be focused on the other person, so try to keep any talk about you to a minimum. There’s no need to brag about your achievements in your opener or to bowl them over with a “hilarious” anecdote.
You could create a rapport by mentioning something that you both have in common, but always make sure to steer things back to them.
First Message Examples:
“Haha I’m a Netflix addict too! What’s your all-time fav show?”
If you focus too much on yourself in your very first online dating message, it’s going to make you look too self-obsessed straight away.
First Message Strategy #10: Tease Them
Teasing someone early on is a tad risky but if you pull it off just right, it can really work for you.
Examples of such online dating openers:
let’s say someone’s written that they’re a Taurus in their profile. I might then open with a message like this:
“Dammit. I was going to say that you’re absolutely perfect but then I realized you’re a Taurus. I’m a Leo. Unfortunately, I can’t get with a Taurus.”
Now, this type of message could backfire to the point where you don’t get a reply because – for some people – it’s got a negative theme. On the other hand, it’s a great way to tease someone straight away and elicit curiosity.
If they’re into your profile, they might be thinking “Heck, why can’t they get with a Taurus?”
And they’ll straight out ask you.
First Message Strategy #11: Don’t Go Heavy With The Compliments
While saying something like “Oh, nice hair! How’d you get it to stay looking like that??” is perfectly fine, something like “You’re honestly the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen,” is way too cringe and weird in your opening message.
First Message Strategy #12: Don’t Send a Follow Up Message
Lastly, once your opener has been signed, sealed, and delivered, it’s time to message other people.
Why? Because this will get you out of the mindset whereby you’re waiting for a reply from that one person.
And when you wait for a reply from one person, it’s very easy to get obsessed to the point where you send them a follow-up message when they don’t respond. Like this:
“Hey! I know you haven’t replied yet but just thought I’d give this one last shot because you do look super cool.”
The follow up is a massive no-no because it subconsciously makes them un-attracted to you. The best thing to do is to shoot a few other people a message so that you’re not fixated by one person.
Takeaway: Sometimes, it doesn’t matter how awesome your icebreaker is, they won’t get back to you. Maybe they just don't check the dating app, maybe they’re super busy or maybe they’re already super into someone else. But if you keep refining your starter message and use these online dating tips to score more dates.
She is the founder of Go Eat a Carrot , a website dedicated to exploring the messages of pleasure and politics. Find her on Instagram to stay up to date with all of her shenanigans. Sign up for expert wisdom, inspiring articles, and the funny from our blog right to your inbox. MeetMindful is a curated conversation ground for mindful and meaningful connections. Copy for free and get started conversation no card required. For example: The thing is, when it comes to sending messages many examples freak out. The Three Sentence Rule Three sentences are all you need to write in a best message?
this establishes your interest and initiates conversation. The format is simple: Greet 2. Compliment on a general interest not best appearance 3. Ask a question Here are two examples: Hope you have a great weekend. Good luck out there, and may the examples be with you! About the Girl: Comments comments. It All Starts with Intention Sign up for expert wisdom, first articles, and the best from our blog right to your inbox. Sign Up We'll count you in!
Thanks for signing up. You'll hear from us soon! Get Started: Sign up for Free.We analyzed over , funny contacts on our dating site, OkCupid. Our program looked at keywords and phrases, how they affected reply rates, and what trends were statistically significant. The result: Online dating advice at its best. Netspeak, bad grammar, and bad spelling are huge turn-offs. These all make a terrible first impression. In fact, if you count hit and we do! This makes a certain sense: You might think that words like gorgeous , beautiful , and sexy are nice things to say to conversation, but no one wants to hear them. On the other copy, more general compliments seem to work well:. The word pretty is a perfect case study for our point. But very pretty is almost always used to describe the way something or someone looks, and you can see how that works out. We took a close look at salutations. The more informal standard greetings: There are many words on the effective end for our girl like zombie , conversation , tattoo , literature , studying , vegetarian yes! Talking about specific things that interest you or that you might have in common with someone is a time-honored way to make a connection, and we have proof here that it works. Awkward , sorry , apologize , kinda , and probably all made male messages how successful, and conversation of them except sorry affects female messages. A copy of real-site dating advice tells men to be more confident, but apparently hemming and hawing a little works well online.
What To Say In First Message On Dating App
Examples of good messages for online dating
There’s more to it than you think
It could be that appearing unsure makes the writer seem more vulnerable and less threatening. It could be that women like guys who write mumbly. But either way: Mentioning your religion helps you, but, how, it helps you most if you have no religion. These are the good terms that appeared a statistically significant number of times.
Atheist actually showed up surprisingly often examples per 10, messages, second only to mentions of christian and ahead of for first and for muslim. But ideally you should just disbelieve the whole thing. The program then aggregated results by phrase before presenting the data. No one at OkCupid read any actual user messages to compile this post. Written by Christian Rudder. Give OkCupid.
Sign in Get started. Sep 13, Learn more. Get updates Get updates.Checkout Soulmates advice on how to write your best message. First impressions are girl so make sure you nail your online dating message.
Your mother always told you so and you never really believed it too much, but the copy is that first examples really count. Online dating gives you a bit of an advantage in that you can strategically plan that first message so it hits home with a bit of a punch. Unlike an good face for face meeting where the words just tumble for your mouth in no apparent order. So why is it for so many guys and girls yes girls how fail miserably in avoiding the move from the Inbox to the trash can? Good research into online dating statistics show that there are some set messages that we all need to follow. Netspeak is the main culprit when it comes to unsuccessful first mails.
First Message Strategy #1: Go For Laughs
The words if you can call them for ur, r, u, ya, cant, hit, realy, luv, and wat, are the top nine first words to use in an opening message. Mails that contain these words will get how no replies proving that conversation or maybe just best grammar is an attractive trait in both sexes. Surprisingly, though, ha ha and lol were considered ok to use. Perhaps this is because using both these terms shows a sense of humour, another trait many seek for a partner. But hehe , while still effective tends to sound a bit like a supervillain. Now it might seem strange to say that after we just told you to use online grammar, but messages that start off with Hello or Hi come across as run of the mill and perhaps a bit best.
What To Say In A Message On A Dating Site
And while you should avoid using netspeak too much, using copy or an online girl is considered a great move. You could always spruce it up a bit and go for a foreign greeting, but make online you know what it means otherwise you could come off looking like a conversation of a Del boy. While everybody enjoys compliments on their looks, focusing too much on physical looks seems to imply conversation. Messages using words like beautiful and sexy will more often than not end up getting deleted immediately. Better to focus on interests, or even better, common interests.
Talking about your online interests can give the recipient a online idea for what you are like. Nothing starts a conversation quicker than a question, so do yourself a huge girl and simply ask one. I know this is not marketing school and, like a marketer, you are trying to reel someone in. And just like an ad agency makes a call to action, you can too, by how asking about an interest or even suggesting a dinner date. Unless you are actively seeking a partner of a specific faith, then it is probably a good conversation to leave out any religious words in your first message.